Tuesday, October 22, 2013
When I saw this picture, I had to chuckle. This is EXACTLY how I feel today! AND...I have most of those books in front of her and know how incredibly intimidating 'the pile' is to the right of this computer. It IS that tall (but not nearly as colorful).
I started my next quarter and I am SO overwhelmed at the moment, that I am somewhat paralyzed. There are small victories and little joys in regards to school (I got a passing grade on my first Med-Surg Exam). Yet, I find myself slipping into a very uncomfortable feeling. I could compare it to an elephant sitting on my back, the fur (if I had any) on my back being rubbed the wrong way, or having the feeling that something isn't quite finished,....EVER. I go to bed with this feeling and wake up with the feeling. I believe that part of nursing school is learning how to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. There is SO much material (there is no possible way any human being could read this in the amount of time we have assigned and be able to complete all of our other assignments and study for exams). It's just not a realistic goal to have ALL of my homework done. I now know that I can only do so much before I am beating my head against the wall. Today was the day when I finally came to grips with how I will study for my courses this quarter. I believe that my first exam(s) today gave me the idea of how to study from this point forward. I feel much more at peace in knowing that I can accomplish the things required of me and then 'go back over' information after the fact. I have MANY friends who are nurses, and I am in awe of them right now. I believe it is somewhat of a right of passage to have this much stress on your shoulders on a nursing school. I don't want to be one of those students that 'drops' because of the pressure. I am going to plow through this. My dyshidrotic eczema on my hands is flaring yesterday and today because the stress is physiological in me. I understand I don't handle stress well but knowing what I CAN manage will make all the difference as I move forward in this quarter. Most of my classmates are feeling similar in regards to overwhelming study requests...I am so thankful I am not alone in this.
My desk area upstairs is just perfect to get my homework and ATI Modules completed. I spend a minimum of six hours each day up here. If I had to run around the house and sit in uncomfortable places and not have enough light or paper or things nearby, it would just add to the stress level. The roof on my house is currently being replaced as well. The chimney came down this evening and there are currently about 150 broken up and chiseled bricks in the middle of my backyard...they will be making a trip to the dump tomorrow. My parents are being wonderful in helping me out with picking up and dropping boys when I have my clinicals currently. I couldn't do this without them. Having them here once a week is also SO wonderful so I can vent and share some of this misery. Most importantly, they are my cheerleaders and I couldn't be doing this without them. Having my laundry done and some meals made and providing help with the boys bedtime routine is incredibly invaluable when it's 'just me.' I am blessed. When looking at some of my classmates, I wonder how they are juggling it all. Some of them just had a new baby, some drive from 2+ hours away! Some don't have any prior medical knowledge. In those situations, I know I would personally crack under the pressure. My world is currently chaos, but I hope it simmers down eight weeks from now.
Good news: I made the Honor's List for the summer quarter!