I MADE IT!! !  

Happy Birthday to ME!  

Consumed by Life

Hello Friends

The past eight weeks or so have been consuming.  Day to day 'normal' activities still continue (laundry, dishes, getting sand out of the kid's hair after daycare, send birthday cards to friends, attend church, walks and visits to the park) as does getting comfortable in our new home and neighborhood !    We are SO blessed.  I'm happy with my decision to purchase the home.  The boys are starting to relax more and more each day and I see the multiple benefits of the move that are indescribable unless you have been in my shoes within the last year.

I am happy.

Motivation is starting to bubble up and I am more focused on my health now than I have been in about... 10 years.   I'm eating WELL. Moving more.   Drinking less caffeine (only one cup of coffee in the AM --instead of 6).  I am feeling well!    I feel like I'm falling back into my social self rather than the introverted hermit who consumed my winter. (I don't like winter in Wisconsin--Yep, I am one of 'those' people.)  Maybe if someone could show me how to enjoy a winter in Wisco I may feel different.  I like to send correspondence to friends/family through snail mail and email and I am very random about 'Thinking of you' emails and I catch myself wanting to do that more and more; so I'm listening to the true Jacki once again.  The boys and I are getting out more and it feels great.  And.  The scary thing I will confess in bold honesty; I am noticing MEN again.  For about 9 months I could have cared less if ANY existed.  Now the smell of a cologne, the sound of a man clearing his throat, a truck going down the street...... Make my head snap.  As much as I do not need this right now-- I am proud of myself for not giving up on the male species because of one guy of the  6,894,594,844 people didn't make my idea of lifelong happiness, respect and trust come true.   I even smiled at 'one' the other day for Christ's sake !!  (Progress, people!)  :-)  

Back to what's going on.   So here's the last few weeks in pix. 

Falling into the new routine.

Checking out the pontoon up nort'.

June 8, 2012

ALL of us were together for one afternoon, evening and  morning   it was the greatest 18 hours of my life in a while.  The coolest part about it was that it was the day I 'closed' on my home.   I got back from the bank and we all converged on my new address.  We all hopped out of the cars and I gave a tour and we went to the backyard and cracked open a bottle of champagne to christen the property-the whole time both my boys were whaling and sobbing because it was passed their nap time and they were starving.    Overall, I will NEVER forget that memory of my family blessing my home on its first day under my ownership.  I love them all so much and it was a wonderful coincidence we were all there.

Fun times at the cabin.

"Motor Boatin' on the PONTOON!"

Hanging out front.

Dirty as a little boy should be after playing in his new backyard.

Paradise:  For me. 

"Look Mama!  We're in a boat!"

We went to three parades so far this summer. 

I attended my first wedding after the divorce.  Surprisingly, I did awesome!

The 45 year-old tree in the front yard was removed.

We had a full week of temperatures in the high 90's early 100's. 

Play time. 

The Loves of My Life.

Time rolls on and new experiences happen for me and the boys each day.  Not sure how active I will be on Hopes, Wishes & Dreams throughout the rest of the summer-- I can't believe I haven't posted significantly in two months!   So, if I don't talk to you until fall.... Have a safe and great rest of the warm days!! !

Two Months Later....?

Can. Not. BELIEVE it has been almost two months since I posted.  Life has certainly been in fast-forward the past few weeks.  I have a LOT on my mind but the most consuming right now is the fact that:

As a Certified Medical Assistant I see a lot of the emotions that are being released once the doctor leaves the room and I return back in to close out the office visit.  It breaks my heart when I know I have to go back in there after I know something awful was just said to my friends.  MY FRIENDS.... MY FAMILY! These people become SO close to us because they are so closely monitored.  We talk to them and see them almost every week because of lab work-- we KNOW these people and they know us!

I don't know. Lately, I feel like "Our Practice" is so sad.  Maybe it's just my emotions catching up with me after this chaotic year and I am more sensitive and empathetic than I normally am,... but I truly just want to create a miracle for each and every family.  I don't have the education to help these people more than I currently am.  I know I am giving them all, but I want to give them SO much more! I feel like the patients are getting younger and younger-- or maybe I am just getting older and older???!

Please understand friends, that Cancer is not always 'sad.'   There are WONDERFUL and therapeutic days when I am working and for those, I am thankful.  I want to take the energy I get on those days and carry it through the hard days. I LOVE my career and just pray for myself, and my PATIENTS/FAMILIES can get through these battles faced with each day.  I hope that you pray for them as well.  Please take a moment; stop reading this and pray.  NOW.  Please pray that the physicians use their knowledge and expertise the best way they know how and are capable of.  Pray for all of my co-workers in the department;  for the stressful and plentiful phone calls coming through the gals at the front desk, to the nurses giving the medications and radiation to our sweet, sweet patients. For the co-worker sitting in her office fighting for the rights of the patient to get their CT scan covered by their insurance company because the insurance company doesn't think it's necessary.  For the pharmacy tech mixing and measuring the precise amounts of chemotherapy to get it at the correct formula for the patient's diagnosis.  For the phlebotomist drawing the lab-- that they do it with accuracy and have no contamination to the site.  To the radiologist reading the scans and making sure they identify all the necessary organs and answer all questions with accuracy.   

The amount of patients and their families I have met are uncountable in my measely nine years of employment at The Clinic, but the impact THEY have made on my heart and mind forever, overwhelms me. 

The patients trust US to care for them.  What a privilege.  What a gift we are being given! I shouldn't whine about my place in the world. I know there are many out there right now who are not in the workforce and are very frustrated.  Please understand; I pray for you too!  

Praying for peace. In whatever format it can come in to our practice at work.   

Thank you for the venting session. 

"Chh-Chh-Chh-Changes!"

Oh!  So much to update you with, but let me give you the low-down as quickly as I can so the next post you are able to keep up.

• Carson's ears are ROCKING!  His speech is improving amazingly well. We saw a speech pathologist for him; he is 18 months and was at a 12 month verbal recognition stage 3 weeks ago.
• Boomer had a ginormous histiocytoma removed from his left back elbow.   He got 5 stitches, refused to wear the cone and is currently snuggling under my right arm.
• I went to a Brewer's Game.   Weird because I have never been there without.....   But I had a LOT of fun and the game even went into extra innings.   The tailgate prior to the game was FANTASTIC.
• I bought a house.
• Oh wait, WHAT?!  Yep.  Closing is scheduled for next month.  Can't WAIT.
• I have moved every item up from the basement and it's currently in the garage preventing me from keeping my vehicle in there-- hoping for no major thunderstorms.
• Nathaniel's vocabulary is amazing and he is REALLY a funny kid.  I am loving his inquiries into "Why" for everything. 
• I bought a hammock, can't WAIT to set it up at the new place.
• There is a new friend in my life who is helping me through all the chaos and He (yes, HE) has his own chaos and we are great company for each other right now.... each of us is currently trying to figure out which way is up after the craziness we have endured.   I feel like I have renewed hope after he has taught me a few things about resilience and strength. 
• I have started digital scrapbooking again-- it's been over THREE years! (Hmmm... Nathaniel is 3 now... Coincidence?  I think not.)  I am smiling when I do this and can't wait to share my life through Creative Memories.
• Personalized license plates.   Love them.
• Really enjoying being in the kitchen recently.  I get on kicks where I will try a couple new dishes and then I putter out for a couple weeks and then I go at it again.  Nathaniel LOVES to help me in the kitchen-- even if it is just to put a sprinkle of cheese into the pan.  I have to get another stool soon; Carson tries to stand on the bottom step and they just compete for top step.  
• I am determined to fit into the pre-pregnancy snowpants I wore by winter this year....  I know.  It's May.   But Winter could be here in 5 months! !   Not long at all! 
• I have a "Best Mom in the World" Sweatshirt that I wear on the weekends at home, and it is BY FAR the GREATEST article of clothing I own.... along with the PJ pants I made last year.  
• My best buddy, Summer graduated from Nursing School! SO PROUD of her!  She has been a HUGE support through everything and even though her last few months have been wild, I am so thankful she is my friend! 
• Work is crazy.  Patients get sick. Patients recover.  Patients die. Hours are watched closely now and I am working less than my scheduled hours to help the department maintain its budget.   
• Donald Driver won Dancing With the Stars.   Need I say more?

Egg-citing Time

The boys are SO much fun right now. 

The weather has turned its season and we are officially in spring.   With that come the evenings outside, more ice cream treats and a drive through the zoo (the boys love the deer).  Driving longer distances—as I feel safer, and LOTS of walks on the bike trail behind our house.   

Last week I finally got the playground equipment set up in the backyard.  The picture here is showing Nathaniel’s FIRST trip down the slide in the new location…. He MISSED his slide!   Carson enjoyed the swing and wanted to be pushed again and again.   

You will see in the background Boomer is on the prowl.  Boomer has found a friend in our backyard….   Well, I don’t know if Friend is the right word.   It’s a chipmunk and Boomer practically BEGS me to let him out each morning as the chippie is usually grazing on seeds in the grass.  Boomer will bolt out the door and chase that little guy up the gutter pipe.  Boomer will scratch, whine and bite at the gutter as long as it takes me to go grab my pair of shoes and shuffle out there with my beautiful ‘bed-head’ and yank him back to the house.   The chipmunk likes me for doing this.  One of these days, Boomer will get him… I don’t want to witness it.  For being a Rat Terrier Mix, Boomer is ready to destroy him.

Carson has been in great spirits since the completion of his second left ear tube placement.  He is more active and is verbally testing himself with hums, tongue movements and shrieks and screams.  I am thrilled he can finally hear himself.  Lots of “Momma” and “Mommy!”   I love it!

Easter with the boys was a BLAST!  This was a special Easter for me simply because I took to heart the TRUE meaning of Easter and what it means to me and everyone else...whether they have faith or not.  I felt a lot of shivers go down my spine in church on Sunday with what the pastor was saying.  So thankful for what Jesus did for you and me.  Happy Easter!

The boys had a total of four separate egg hunts over the last couple weeks and got candy at each one.  My house is a sugar goldmine.  I HAVE to bring it to work so I don’t eat all of it.  I have begun Weight Watchers and am excited to make some progress in watching the scale go down.  I will post some Easter pix and our trip to the Harlem Globetrotters Game last night soon.  

P.S.   I LOVE SPRING TIME! !!!!!!!

For Fun, Just Add Water!

I had SOOOOOO much fun with my boys this past weekend!  We spent most of the weekend at a friend's house. And on Sunday we enjoyed the first boating trip of the season!  The boys ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT!  I will never forget the look on Carson's face once he realized we were moving ON WATER! (He would be a fish if he could be!)  Just a couple fun snapshots of the fun!

Enjoying Their Ice Cream Sandwiches

Checking out the waters below!  

Me and "C"

Here We Go Again....

Carson had his follow-up in ENT yesterday to follow-up on the recent ear infection in his left ear that occurred one week after his tube fell out.  He had been on antibiotics and finally completed them for the 14 day course.   For those of you who don’t know the vicious cycle of an ear infection and the CYCLES of ear infections my little boy has had since he was four months old…. It goes something like this:

Child begins having trouble falling/staying asleep

Child fevers (Carson stopped this symptom at 6 months old)

Child pulls at ear due to the pain

Ear drum ruptures (if symptoms not recognized quickly enough) OR child is brought to Clinic to see Dr.

Child started on antibiotics for 10 days.

Child begins to feel better.

Three days into the antibiotics the child gets a yeast infection because all the good bacteria are killed in the diaper region.   Diaper rash usually gets out of control if child is not started on Acidophilus and pumped full of yogurt!

Child begins to feel better yet again.

Antibiotic course is completed.  Child comes BACK to the clinic to be followed up on 7-10 days following the course of antibiotics at which time…. the doctor notes “That there is some fluid behind his ear drum…   If he starts becoming symptomatic, bring the child in to see us.”

Two days following the doctor’s appointment, the child begins having trouble falling/staying asleep.

Child fevers.

Child pulls at ear due to pain, etc… etc…. etc.. on and on and on and on.

This was Carson’s first year of life.  The entire cycle takes 4-5 weeks…..There has not been one hiatus…. It has been consistent and exhausting.  My poor child has been to the doctor more times than I would like to count.   My child also has a difficult time enunciating his words and articulating sounds with his mouth.   He is scheduled to see a speech pathologist later next month.   I am hoping she can give us some pointers on helping him with his words and strengthening his verbal interactions. 

I am tired of seeing my child tug at his ears.  (And the other one picking his nose—HA!)

I want my son to sleep well every night for the rest of his life.

I want to stop bringing him to the clinic unless they are well-check visits. 

Ear tube placement will take place next week and I hope and pray that this is the END of ALL ear infections for my child. 

What I Love About Nathaniel...

What I love about Nathaniel….

He loves his ‘juicy’ cup in the morning.  I already have it ready for him when he wakes up because I know what his first words will be.

He likes to watch movies—especially snuggled up close to his mom.

He is officially potty-trained!!!

He wakes up slow (like his mommy) and wants it quiet and dark until he is READY for the day… 10 minutes usually. 

He is highly sensitive (like his mommy) and wants an explanation for EVERYTHING.  (the “Why”)

He loves going to church.

He picks out his own outfits for the day AND the books he wants to read at bedtime now. 

His vocabulary is EXPLODING and having conversations with him is AWESOME!  He makes me laugh.

He takes care of his brother but still has some hesitancy in sharing with him (age appropriate). 

He is a sweetheart.

Nathaniel,

I still remember the moment you entered my life.   You gave me so much to be thankful for (most importantly that you weren’t in my tummy any more).  From the second I held you for the first time I was in love with your eyes, your button nose and those cute little toenails.  You have always showed your silly side to your mommy and I LOVE that you are so relaxed with me.  I know you like to snuggle with your teachers at school- and that’s okay.   You are such a sweet and considerate soul—when you see your friends cry at daycare you hug them and want to know ‘what’s da matta?”  (I LOVE that about you).   You are a SERIOUS ham and are always ‘acting’ for me even when you don’t know I am watching you.  I think you have an amazing imagination that is just now starting to get active.  You love to laugh and when you do, Nathaniel, my heart melts.   Greatest sound on the planet is hearing you giggle. I LOVE that you like music and dance your little heart out when we play music.  I wish I could videotape you each time you get those arms swinging when you run, you look so determined.  You are going to get places Little Man.   I love you so much!  

Love, Mama.

X0X0

Livin' Life

It's been a GREAT week! Nana and Papa came through last weekend and the boys had a BLAST! Nana took them for their first officially wagon ride of 2012.

They did very well and Nana said they were looking at the birds and noticing things all around them as they came down the sidewalk. While the boys were tooting around the neighborhood in the Radio Flyer, Papa Bill and I were working on trimming and eliminating some of the Arbor Vitae in the backyard of my place. There is barely any light in the backyard due to the two large maples back there. We did our best to trim out every branch we could from the other trees to start. We need a professional to come in and get the large (okay, GINORMOUS) branches from the maples out. I fear that one severe thunderstorm is going to rumble through some time and one of the branches (which probably weigh 2 tons) is going to fall through the house and kill either myself or my little babies. I got an estimate last year and the landlord seemed as though he didn't find it important. I am going to 'press' again and push for it. It's about safety people!

The yard started to look GREAT by Sunday afternoon! Patio furniture and the birdbath were put out (YEAH!) and Boomer has enjoyed a few hours basking in the sunlight and the grass.

The boys have been SO much fun outside in the last week. We are having a BLAST! Almost every night they come in (close to 7:30) and are just SO tired they pass right out. Notice Nathaniel was trying with all his might to sneak out of bed after I tucked him in, but the little bugger didn't make it.

I made a personal improvement. I got my hair done! I have not had it cut or colored by a professional for over a year or so now. I thought it was time. It felt SO great to be pampered for an hour and half. (I don't have a picture because.well, there's not really anyone who can take a picture of it.! HA!) I actually fell asleep in the hair drying contraption thing.. the timer went off and I almost jumped right out of my chair.

 Another improvement in my home was made. I purchased a used couch and love seat off of Craig and His List. It was a decision I needed to make. We needed some more seating in the front room and I didn't want to spend a lot of money and I didn't want anything that was too 'nice' because I know that the boys are gonna trash it over the next few years. I do however want it to be somewhat stylish and mix with the things I love. Well, I found it. I pulled the two leather chairs from the back room and moved the other couch to that room. I absolutely love the look. I feel comfortable. The only thing new I think I am going to purchase for this room will be a large floor lamp with giant shade. We shall see. Every other piece came in with the move, was given to me or purchased off of CL.

　

And now my favorite experience of the week. Now that Carson is in his toddler bed he knows that he can escape and play about with his toys when I leave him in the room with the door closed (for his own safety). (I have a monitor in there). Well, he likes to read his books and I have caught him more than once waiting for me in the rocker with a book or two. Looks like I didn't make it in time. This just melted my heart when I saw this!
　

Miles of Smiles

There were two little men who decided they wanted to brush their teeth together tonight......

Not to mention they did have some individual time to themselves as well. 

Nathaniel enjoyed his quiet time in the bath once his brother was in bed.

Here's what Boomer thought of it all.....